Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
