I will die if light touches me.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
