I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
