We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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