Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
