Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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