So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
