didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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