Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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