Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
