She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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