that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him