I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin