Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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