Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
