WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
