My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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