If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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