Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
