i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
