i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
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just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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