do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize