she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
