She said her name was "party"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him