why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
