Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.

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(530): View more from California

And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?

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(904): View more from Florida

Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.

(404): View more from Georgia

Everyone is cheering

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(863): View more from Florida

Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point

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(731): View more from Tennessee

She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after

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