three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.