i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
