Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize