I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
