I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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