My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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