I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
