just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
