she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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