i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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