Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
