well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
