I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
