ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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