I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
