ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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