You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
