a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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