I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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