No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
