His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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