Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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