Umm I'm too high to move.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
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It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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