sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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