I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
