I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
