My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
