So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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