you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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