Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
