Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
