and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
