dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
