What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
