Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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