I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
