You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
