You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
