Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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