I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
