it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
